Dear Oz

Dear Oz,

• … I love your Sun and how people dose their Vitamin D in the park
• … You never go wrong for smashing avocado on toast
• … How are you?
• … See ya?!
• … I get giddy going home just to buy end of day food discounts (Sushi for half price!)
• … I’ve never laid eyes on Starbucks chain again
• … Thank you for trusting me when I do self-checkout on Woolies
• ... I've never read this much book in one year (thanks Library and Street Library)
• To add more…

Conscious Effort.

Yesterday, I bought new sheets of watercolor papers and frozen Kuchay Pork dumpling. Walking towards the terminal station, I felt suddenly guilty for letting the cashier lady put the watercolor papers on a brown bag. I thought that I could have just put it on my bag instead. Then, a side of me doubted if that will make a difference if the production amount of brown bags are still the same, whether you use it or not. But I thought that maybe, if demand is low, businesses will not avail it then manufacturers will lower the production amount.

Added to that guilt is me holding down a plastic containing the frozen Kuchay Pork dumpling. Ugh, I left my cloth bag at home. Another side of me doubted if using a cloth bag makes a difference if the production amount of plastic bags are still the same, whether we skip plastics or not. But I thought maybe, aside from the effect of lower demand to production, we lower the chance of plastics scattering around or dumping on unknown places since we keep them safe on factories or business drawers.

Caring for the environment requires a conscious effort. In these consumerism era, it is so easy for us to buy stuffs and dispose of them without thinking of their environmental effect. Caring for the environment is a conscious effort to think of the impact of your actions to the environment. On my story, I should have made a conscious effort to think of the environment when the lady packed my watercolor papers - making it a conscious effort until it is innate to us and we automatically responds to anything that can destroy the environment. I also thought that asides from individual making a conscious effort, businesses should take their part on thinking of the environment. One way is to keep reminding customers that they have a choice in terms of using brown bag or plastics,  asking them if they intend to use a bag? I remember that in Taiwan, items are automatically not packed and you have to tell the counter that you intend to buy a plastic bag. It's a good strategy to subconsciously remember that we have a choice.

To start with this conscious effort, I will put on whichever bag I'll use two cloth bags - big and small :)

PS. There are still some debate whether we should use brown bag, plastic bags or cloth bag but whatever is better, we should make a conscious effort to reduce using both the brown and plastic bag and reuse as much as we can our cloth bags.

Letting go.

Life is a dance between making it happen and letting it happen.

- Arianna Huffington

I resigned from by job September last year. I decided to take a one month break before hunting for a new job because I felt like I am afraid to risk having a vacation in fear of burning money. With enough savings, I took the risk and let myself breathe. I gave myself at most three month window time to find a new job. By January, I had a rush job offer in Manila, pending final interview in a Singaporean company based in Manila and unexpectedly, a pending to-be job offer in an Australian company.

During the three month that I am looking for a job, I raised the bar and took on the courage to pursue my dream of working in Japan. Luck was not on my side by then. Thinking of alternatives, I have a dream to live by myself and work abroad and so I searched for jobs besides Japan. A handful of email exchange here and there and finally, I was able to hold grip of an opening in Australia. Way back, I was so thrilled and happy, amazed at myself for taking on the risk and courage to go outside of my comfort zone, to chase after my dream and make it happen. I declined the offer in Manila, withdraw the Singaporean application and happily accepted the job offer in Australia. Only during that time that I felt my courage evaporate and all the what ifs and negativity of leaving abroad sink in. But, at the same time, the giddiness and excitement dwells inside me.

February, I was able to complete all my requirements and all I have to do is sit down and wait for my work visa. Unfortunately, that type of work visa was currently on its brink of extinction due to some policy changes in Australia. I have to wait for at most nine to eleven months, no not only me, but other folks with expectations of tasting Oz. It was an external factor. I did my best on the interview and on completing out all the requirements in a short time - "making it happen". Now, my patience is at its end, all the excitement gone, and all the positivity replaced with negativity. It was one of the hardest challenge of my life. The wait is killing most of us.

The Internet made our life easier and instant. It was a world of knowledge and connectivity in just a tap. Need to know something? Google it. Want some new dress? Order it online. We became accustomed to life in a tap - or maybe for me. A life where we can get anything we want in an instant and that made me resistant to waiting. I read everyday forums about the visa. Refresh everyday the immigration website. But there's nothing I can do on my end, that thousand of clicks and refresh cannot help on speeding up my visa, all it does is to bulk up my frustration and impatience.

Yes, my patience and understanding is at its end. I thought of giving up on the result of stepping out of my comfort zone but I felt the need to let go. I felt that all these frustration and impatience comes from me holding on to something I really want and it's not bad. But I have to let go of the me who loves things on a tap, let go of thinking that I can control and make all things I wanted possible. I have to let go. I need to accept things that aren't in my control, and to live with the flow - "letting it happen". It's a work in progress but I decided that instead of making matters worse, I need to try on going on with the flow - doing things I love (which I cannot do when I have work), thinking of my childhood, enjoying a sip of coffee and a glance at my dreamcatcher.

Weak and Strong.

"Being weak is being strong."

I am currently on vacation and waiting for my visa. Waiting is killing me. Why? Because all those negative thoughts keep bugging me, now that I have more time to live slowly and think. Looking back to the path I took, I dump my experience on my first job to venture on a new career. I am happy but when my mood is on the blue spectrum, I kept thinking "Is it worth it?", "My past classmates are now up on the career ladder, what did I just risked!", "I should have been this and that, if I just haven't".

Last time, I was able to chat with my friend and she shared that she's like having a quarter life crisis, thinking about what she really wants to do. It was funny, because in social medias, you can only see happy faces, events, and successes. As you scroll down the timeline, deep inside, it affects you, evaluating yourself why you are not like them, always. But it's just a facade, beneath those happy faces, are lonely experiences and beneath the successes, are underlying failures and perseverance. What we see are just end results.

Being on her shoes once, I shared my experience when I was on the same boat - evaluating my life, my passion, the what ifs. And I come to realize that if I climbed straight to the success ladder, I wouldn't have been able to empathize with her, to share my thoughts, my experience. Sometimes we think that we should keep our weaknesses deep inside us, to show the world that we are a boulder - strong and firm. If we are weak, then we cannot inspire, we cannot be a model. But what I felt was the opposite, being weak has made me strong, being weak allows me to keep my feet on the ground and feel more connected with others. With this feeling, I didn't just helped someone, but I also gained help. I felt stronger because I know I am not alone and I didn't have to mask the loneliness or weaknesses deep inside me.

Love is a Responsibility.

Last night, I watched Atom Araullo's Philippine Seas documentary and I felt a mix of delight and heartbreak. Delight - that our country is blessed with marine biodiversity and heartbreak - that people failed to take care of them. Now, travel is a must have thing. We have lots of places to check in our bucketlist. Now, food is a must try thing. We have lots of restaurants and hidden gems that we must visit, lots of bookmarked recipes we need to cook. Food and travel. A millenial's lifestyle.

We often describe ourselves or post these words to social media pages - "I love food", "YOLO - Travel", "Foodgasm", "Travel is the best learning experience". We love foods. We love travel. But then our love is a selfish type. Our love only fills our need, our greed, our boredom and at the other side of the rainbow, we irresponsibly eat and travel. We eat greedily without knowing bees are losing their habitats, seafoods are caught in an unimaginable amount sometimes illegally, livestocks leave tons of carbon footprints. All of these just to satisfy our hunger. We travel and sees the the world has to offer but we fail to reciprocate and offer the world our mind to preserve its beauty. We just travel. Take pictures of it. Post it to social media, felt happy, blessed. And then we never took notice of the garbage we dispose and where they go, the carbon footprints we produce by using cars, fuels, etc.   

We failed to take responsibility to our love. We take away the beauty of this world and never offered it our mind to preserve it. Let us be reminded that we are only a part of this world. We may be the smartest race to have evolved but great power comes with great responsibility. Let us never forget that we are a community and it is our responsibility to take care of nature. Just like how a car enthusiast loves his car - taking care of it day and night, let's love responsibly - dig deeper and know more of nature, eat and travel that balances what is took and what is produced.

Start small.

"Big things often have small beginnings."

One of my end goals in life is to have a small house with a big farm. I have always dreamt of planting vegetables I would cook and imagined eating with a bunch of flowers decorating my table. It was my end goal. I am thinking it will happen sometime in the future and for now, I would just live in a bedspace in Manila, with little greens around me.

One night, I cooked a dish with a green onion on it. With the influence of YouTube, it hit my head that we can put the roots in a jar of water and let it grow. I did it out of whim and few days later, I got home to my province and forget that I put the green onion roots on the water. When I came back after two weeks, I was surprised to see that my green onion was moved to a pot by our landlady and that it has two new green sprouts on it! Gleeful, I took a photo of it (the one above).

What I realized is that we may have big dreams, big aspirations in our mind that we think we can only do in the future because we are not yet capable now. But, we can start small, like my farm, I can start planting little garnish greens (green onions, basil) and invest in what I only have now. The important thing is we started, we began to do something with our dream and little by little it is coming true.

Live less. Observe more.

Roaming the house - there's television on the living room; tables and cellphones are being charged because it was exhausted from being used all day; airconditioner, fluffy pillows and comforter on the bedroom; elaborate curtains hid the scenery from outside; groceries with lots of foods stocked on the cabinet and refrigerator; cars filled the garage of the front house.

I felt very comfortable on this setup and isn't it a good thing? I can watch TV when I'm bored; I can connect to the wifi and see all things amusing in the Internet; I can sleep heavily till midday; I can eat whenever I want or I am bored :P Yes, I was truly blessed but I think somewhat this comfort led me to become less observant of nature, to connect with it. Why? Because I can just live my life comfortably inside the house, I became blind living on my own terms.

That is why I visioned that if I am to build my own house there will be a small house with a large space for greens. There will be large glass windows with thin curtains so sunlight can go through and I can always see the beauty of nature. There's bicycle so I can roam the streets with the breeze, chit chat with nearby neighbors. There's less, so I can observe more - slowly sipping my cup of coffee in front of the garden early in the morning (because sunlight woke me up) or gazing at the beauty of the universe at night on the balcony.

The Money Game

When I opened a new savings account to hold my extra earnings, the teller asked me if I was interested to open a Unit Investment Trust Fund(UITF) instead. She insisted on the benefits and higher return rate I could get if I opt instead for the latter but I refused, giving myself some time to think it through. When I go wander to that moment and ponder, it's funny how money controls us in what I coined as its 'Money Game'.

We unknowingly played it all along and the Game Master were the business people, the bank people. Through time it evolved to make us work harder and harder for a future of materialism. First level, we need to work to earn money and buy our needs. That's okay. Second level, we need to work harder or longer to earn more money and buy our wants (Yey! we get a shot of short-term happiness). Third level, we need to open up a savings account to save money and prepare for the uncertainties the future brings. With this, we actualized in our mind to be ruled out by money, to let it control our life, to be crippled by it and chase it. The game never ends, it keeps on evolving. The fourth level lashed out the safety net 'savings account' will shield for the future's uncertainty, now they are instilling that its gonna be beaten by inflation and we need to go opt for stocks and UITF that now will give us the safety net.

Will the chase for higher interest rates and bigger income come to an end? Will it while they keep on advertising artificial needs, securities, and wants?  

Abstraction.

I came upon a video about Django ORM explaining the importance of knowing your tools not just using it.

I watched Youtube videos documenting how we are losing bees which are necessary for pollination.

At first, these two events seems unrelated with each other but when I think about it they both scream out the word 'Abstraction.' In computing, it just mean being able to do things without diving too deep into the technical parts. In modern era, as our good ancestors do not want us to suffer the way they did, they made abstraction for things. In Django, so we do not need to handle painstakingly SQL statements, they created the Django ORM. In consumerism, businessmen offered abstraction by delivering right in our doors, in our mobile phones, in the supermarkets, products that we can buy and consume easily. They made it easy but they made us blind also. We always tend to take things for granted. We have ORMs that made CRUD easier, so why bother digging further to SQL. Our fruits can be easily picked from the supermarket, so why bother knowing how they were delivered and produced.  We are dumb and irresponsible for taking these things for granted. Great powers come with great responsibility. Our lives are made easier but we must allot some of these made-free time to dive into what abstraction made hidden. A last sentence to ponder:

"Do we know that our greedy population, eating too much, building too much space for us to live have destructed the ecosystem bees needed in order to live? Do we even care or know that they are the keys for producing the fruit we pick in the market? Or we just don't care, hell, I'll just pick and eat?"

Protection.

If you want to protect the weak, you have to be strong first. How can you protect them if you are weak yourself? How can you protect them if you do not have enough knowledge to defend them against people who benefit from knowing how to play the game. It is unacceptable to stay ignorant and nonchalant when you know something is wrong and it is failure to be defeated in conflicts you just flee from, knowing in yourself that you could have done something more if you have enough power and used that power to defend what should be defended.

Artificial Needs.

Traversing EDSA on a common weekend, I saw billboards on my hindsight - beauty products, shoe brands and go to restaurants were among them. Businesses thrive from its customers and from this arise the challenge on how to attract and maintain its customers. They need to highlight their product and differentiate it against its competitors, they impose fear to create artificial needs in order to gain customers. They create consumerism. They create the illusion that we need those items. They ask us to buy more, to earn more money, to chase money in order to have those artificial needs. Those artificial needs were superbly and strategically advertised in our daily lives - commercials, billboards, online advertisements that it successfully penetrated our mind that we feel unsatisfied and inferior if we haven't bought them because we think its a need. Think deeply of those fears they have made - retirement with no money, death with no insurance, being late because of traffic, living uncomfortably, staying up-to-date and connected. Think of the needs it makes - insurance, car, condominium, cellphones. Sometimes, we are chasing money to afford those that we made ourselves blind of the big picture - living in harmony with our planet and saving it from the long term effect of consumerism.

Every Little Thing Needs Love.

We often end our day feeling unsatisfied. We drift away our minds and think of the future - of what we want to be, what we should be doing next, of what to buy next, to satisfy that hole within us. We dig the past and felt unsatisfied for what we could have done, what might we been. But what if instead of living our lives digging the past we cannot change and drifting to the future that is uncertain to happen, we live in the present? A life mindful of the present, feeling the air we breathe in and out, giving our attention and love to little things that needs it - to the house needing cleaning, to the pet that longs for a touch, to the plant begging for a taste of water, to a stranger passing by our life. We need not to be on top of our company, a superstar,  search for that next big volunteering activity nor save up big digits in our savings account to help. In our everyday living, there are little things that needs our love and extra time. We become less bitter to the life we are living in if the satisfaction comes from us giving love to those little things and at the same time, a less bitter world if those little things received love.

Above all, send the bees love. Every little things wants to be loved. - Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees

Excess.

Buffet. Dresses in vogue. Cute little things. Spending our money on excess things, on things we desire and want but not actually needed. I felt guilty. It was also my doing. I thought how I bought lavish things during my payday, how I eat more than what my body needed during birthdays, how I celebrate Christmas with tons of foods and gifts, while I neglect those beggars who needed only a spare of my money and time. Like the priest preached this Sunday, we are all hypocrite. We'd say 'poor little things', we felt pity but we did nothing -  We have closed our eyes to those who needed us because we felt comfortable and we want more, we dare not to spend a little time not just to give them spare money or food but also to know their little stories.

But what if instead of spending our birthdays on buffets, we celebrate simply and put on the excess money to children who needs the money for their school supplies? What if instead of celebrating Christmas lavishly, we spent it sharing our blessings to those we really needed it? Wouldn't it be more fulfilling and happier?

Chunk it (not junk it)

YOLO - You only lived once. A phrase that brings encouragement to live life fully and happily but on its other hidden side, hints threat as it says that we only have one life to live and wasting it is a no no. A lifetime that seems too short to waste and too uncertain to take into granted, we have lots of to do's in our bucket list overwhelming us and often, leads to disappointment.

My 2 cents of penny - forgive yourself if many times you fail to do this list, to follow your new year's resolution, to incorporate in your life the Japanese term 'kaizen'. The important thing is to never give up when you fail or fall and learn that this overwhelmingly to-do list can never be done all at once, one big at a time and as quickly as possible. What you need to do is to prioritize what needs to be done first, strategically considering your resources. Chunk it. Chunk the buckets into dippers (tabo in Tagalog) and chunk these dippers into mugs. Metaphorically, you can now drink the mug's content, slowly, swallow one a time, two-three mugs a day. And never forget, as what my previous blog says continually do the 'baby steps'.

Patience.

Nothing great is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig. I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen. - Epictetus

It was a sudden impulse, rooted from my sister's invitation for us to visit Japan and I am one click away to my first overseas getaway. No passport, no visa and only a handful of peso in my savings account, I took the risks. Full of optimism, I still have six months to prepare all this, and clicked!

The past six months was never easy. I invested time and money to prepare my passport and visa. Most especially, a bunch of no's to material things and out-of-town invitations from friends just to feed my savings account. Conflicts arise because of my resignation and new work, misunderstandings and compromises were made to my partner. The 9-month preparation challenged my patience and each time, the optimism fades but I hanged on even if the excitement fell to zero.

Last 7-11 March 2016, I set foot and lived shortly but blissfully in Japan. The most important lesson I learned on this trip is that the fruit of your labor and patience is the most succinct.  

Mainstream.

"The road less taken". We have heard it a number of times but have actually never got the courage to take that road. Unfamiliar, scary, mysterious, unheard of - some of the best words to describe it, to make it the less taken path. Yet, there is that curiosity that made us think: what if we took that road? Is it worth it? Will it be full of adventures? Where would it lead us? What would we be after?

The cold breeze of December smells of joy and festivity. Lights from Christmas decorations and moving vehicles fill the streets with liveliness. December it is and every Filipinos were busy celebrating their most anticipated season.

It was the last day of work and a lot of us were out and rushing to buy last minute Christmas needs. Taxis were not accommodating those destinations traversing EDSA because of the Christmas traffic. But one taxi driver took our request not because he was patient enough to cross EDSA nor chasing for the big fare. It was because he was to take the road less taken. He took the risk of traversing alternative roads, never sure of the traffic there, just to skip EDSA. In the end, he made us happy commuters. Away from the traffic, saving us time.

As I rode the taxi, I was a bit frightened by questions boggling my mind - Where would he take us? Does he attempt of robbing us? Will the road have light traffic? Will we pay much because of the alternative routes he took?  And I realize, in our life, in our careers, we mostly take the main road. What is mainstream. The road that you knew, many knew well, less frightening because of the familiarity. We are sure of the way, everything is familiar, mostly everyone was there and other mainstream stuffs are there. And we stay on that road, though it is slow and congested, though boring, because we are certain that after a long time of waiting, we will reach the end. We never got the courage to take the road less taken, where we have to risk the certainty to something unknown - something successful? Or a failure, maybe? We never want to move fast, to be adaptable to the ever changing environment, to continuously learn and to spend a lot of energy to take the small roads that will equally take us to that end. We never changed our mindset to think that what is important is not the end but the experience itself. We never had the heart to say yes to that curious mind seeking adventure. And we never had the strength to move away from our comfort zone and live fully.

Extreme.

Last Saturday, we have gone mountain hiking in Mountain Sembrano in Rizal, Laguna. The experience was totally exhausting but fun, brought by the rocky and steep road. Going up for me was a lot easier than going down, because in order to push myself upward I only have to find some rocks to cling on and use my crying aching legs. Going downward was a bit harder since I have to defy gravity and use mostly my ankle as break. Add the pressure of sliding down because of the mud and my ingrown nail.

To make the long story short, the feeling was unforgettable - the longing for the road to end when you are already near the summit; the victory when you are already on the top; the peace of mind when hearing the wind whisper and the clouds dance; the feeling of cursing the rocky, muddy road on the way down; the hopelessness feeling that you have to scrap out because you have no choice;the feeling of crying inside that you made it; the joy of washing yourself and bring your tired body to bed. It was extreme. It was something that you will miss. It was something that you constantly need and have to savour because it will remind you that it is the long road ahead that makes the end succinct.

Turning Tables.

There are points in the span of our time when every angle of our life - career, relationship, financial stability, seems not taking into place. Not fitting into the puzzle. Blurred.We curse our situation and fell deep into that dark feeling of hopelessness. I have felt that and I know sometime in the future, I will again step into that grieving phase. Repeatedly. That is why I want to take note of the phrase "Turning table". It's my strengthening phrase to remind me that: first, it is alright. I recognize the situation and I understand that it is part of life. It awakens us that there is something wrong and there is something we need to correct. Secondly, it is fine to fell into that lonely feeling and to agonize. Thirdly, be sad, cry one long night but do not dwell into that dark place. Let it be your inspiration to start from scratch and move on. You have the power to turn the table and make something out of your situation. It is not easy but know that you have to move on. Life is like climbing a mountain, you never knew what's on top, but you have the choice to keep climbing upward to see the top, to conquer on another mountain or you will stay on place and let fear hinder you from discovering what lies ahead.

Road.

This June, commuting has become a hard task as traffic has visited again as school year begun and summer has yet to bring you scorching heat. One workday morning, I asked myself -  If given the chance to become a politician how will I re-design the road system here or ease the traffic each of us deals with everyday? I took noticed of the structures as the bus I rode passes by my daily route: Dela Rosa to Buendia and finally, Mall of Asia. It was hard to re-design structures that are already built and are designed poorly, not envisioning the future, the increase in vehicle load as time passes by. Then I think of what Henry Sy did. He transformed a water area into an extension land and built upon it the Mall of Asia Complex. Thankfully, the road system design is good enough to hold the current vehicle load. And so I thought why not create things from scratch and design it in your own way, remembering that when building from scratch, not just design for the present, vision what will happen also in the future.

Freedom.

Four times a week, I used to ride a multicab (mini version of a jeepney) along Buendia to get to Mall of Asia. Morning and evening, four times a week, I am still amused by the barker-commuter problem. What is it? Guess I'll just say - having too much freedom.

As I have said earlier, the multicab is a mini version of a jeepney that can  accommodate sixteen passengers. Since it is small, aside from the heat the commuters need to deal with, going in and out of the cab is a plus plus adventure. Hence,  passengers chose to fill in the seat near the end and bring forth the barker-commuter problem. Because people wants to fill in first the seats near the end, most of the time, the cab won't be filled because the available seats are those near the driver and no one wants it there. The result - barkers get mad since the rest of the passenger will go to the next cab and the first cab can't go on with its route. That is the problem with giving a person too much freedom. Yes, we have individual needs and wants, we do not want the heat and the hassle of going in/out of the cab and we have a choice to fill that want. But if that freedom just fills our personal whims and become unreasonable hindering the welfare of the general whole, it is not good anymore. 

Freedom is a privilege for us individuals but we should not abuse it just for the sake of filling our personal whims. We are part of a community and the sum of our individual freedom should result  for the benefit of the community we are in.