Summer Lemonade.

A year had already passed when I was in the dilemma of finishing my college or not. I remember clearly that during this time of the month last year I was asking myself, 'What was really college?' and I thought I cannot answer it.

I decided not to finish my college on time, and instead have graduated summer, at most two months late. Being the hardworking, sometimes on the top list, student that I am, it is considered out of my comfort zone, seems to lower my self-esteem, my worth; but still I stepped out of that freaking deadline girl-zone. Why, when nearly you are already at the end of a goal?, you may ask and that's exactly my question to myself last year, that I even drew a stick person of me climbing on a cliff, and nearly on top. Funny.

I'll be honest that I was afraid. I had the wrong thinking for the past four years in college. Graduating on time is not to be used as a measurement for your worth. Fast forward to these days, I cannot say that I had already found out the answer but I am able to collect bits of the puzzle pieces together. This decision of mine had taught me that we hold the power of reflecting who we are to others, it is not measured on the time of the graduation, but on our continuous actions in everyday life. It also made me  aware that I am in control of my life, not the expectation from others, nor the path they laid to you. Long as you strive, there are many paths out there to grab, to take advantage of and surprisingly sometimes, we have to make our own path.

 "Turn lemons (lemons) into lemonade (opportunities). But luck goes beyond this - it's turning lemonade (good things) into helicopters (amazing things). - What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20

Hold and Let Go.

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.” 

-Stephen King

Staying on.

At some point in your life, you have to believe in yourself, in your guts,in what you are doing, even if it seems pointless in the present.

In times, I read these article to remind me of that:

"believing in what we do, about staying on—it does not have to be in UP—with kindred spirits sustaining us through courage and a generosity of spirit" ( Michael L. Tan, 2014)

 from http://opinion.inquirer.net/72230/why-we-stay

"You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever."(Steve Jobs, 2005)

from http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Lesson #3: Fame fades away. Measure success according to the lives you touch and what matters most to you.

from http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/51959-mitch-albom-lessons-to-learn-meaning-work-life

Genuine Love.

“Does a leaf, when it falls from the tree in winter, feel defeated by the cold?

The tree says to the leaf:
"That’s the cycle of life. You may think you’re going to die, but you live on in me. It’s thanks to you that I’m alive, because I can breathe. It’s also thanks to you that I have felt loved, because I was able to give shade to the weary traveller. Your sap is in my sap; we are one thing.”
― Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

Having seen the green fields surrounding the high way towards Vigan, Ilocos Sur, and observing the people along the way, I felt the transition of urban city lifestyle towards the rural area. And then I asked myself, have these people felt low of themselves? How can they seem to feel happy living such simple lives? Haven't they compared themselves to the life of those staying in the city? Haven't they felt the inequality of work, them staying in the sun all morning while those in the city were staying in an air-conditioned office, plus the factor of earnings?

And I realized this principle of Paulo Coelho in his book 'Manuscript Found in Accra' and all these questions were left answered. Genuine Love. Long as we give genuine love, as long as the giver understands his/her role, expecting nothing in return, like the provinces that are filled with great workers and green fields for crops, offering what they have to the city though the wages are low in return, they will always feel satisfied, happy and equal. That is Genuine love, being happy when you give out love to others and you will never tell it's a sacrifice. In return, the receiver should always show the appreciation and gratitude, and it is up to them whether they felt the urge of showing this appreciation through rewards, but a simple 'Thank You' shall never be forgotten. In addition, they shall never think of themselves higher than those living hardly in the province, in contrary, shall realize that those living in such area are of great deeds and work and all will shall be made equal.

Stairway.

It was a holiday and in a quick yes, my guy and I went to Kamay Ni Hesus, a popular  destination among religious people in Lucban, Quezon. The trip includes climbing about 300+ steps in a hill and finally arrive at the top where the statue of Christ is erected ( don't worry you'll be using the stairs ).

I am not a religious type of person but I do go to church during Sundays, so as I watch my little steps on this adventure of climbing the hill, instead of minding the 14 stations of the cross, I thought about something else.

The stairway. The steps. The look below and the destination atop. In every ventures in life, we are faced with the challenge of the stairway, we start a little step below and continue to step on until we finally arrive at our destination. What I thought at this moment is that: Focus and enjoy the present step, instead of always minding and thinking back or ahead, don't mind the steps below because you'll always feel afraid of the height and feel the weight of each step, the tiredness; don't mind the steps atop because you'll always think of the number of steps ahead and you'll just fill yourself with imaginary worries and effort. Instead, enjoy each step and rejoice. If you want to rest, stop and this is the right moment to see where you are now: look below and gain strength from the steps you have conquered and look above and gain inspiration on the destination you aspire to arrive at. After such, go on and step again.

Death.

“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sense weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't.”
-Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

I never remembered it all. I tried but only those silly moments came flashing back and I felt afraid. If only memories is all I could hold on to, then in a span of time, will I be left with an empty hand? Will she fully vanish from my life? I felt guilty. I felt the responsibility of nurturing our moments and I will fail.

 But love is not remembering all your time with her. Love lives within you. Her love never left, it became a part of you. A part of her becomes a part of you. In my daily life, in my way of cooking, in my way of thinking, in my way of folding the clothes, with those simple actions, I remember her, I realized that she influenced me with those actions. That way I knew that years may passed, I may not remember all of her, her face, her expressions, but I knew that within me, she shared her life. And that is how life and death is, leaving this world confidently knowing that we have done our part, we have shared our life.

Notes.

A note about trees.

I saw them. They seem okay. Seem to live like a tree. Seem to look like a tree. Then I saw the cement boxed around them and the little soil that keeps them alive.

And I felt sorry.

Like the trees grown in the city, some of us now lives a life boxed by the rules and lifestyle the world imposes on us, we became ornaments. Like the trees who could have grown more bigger and more fuller in the wild, we can also gain our full potential if we can go out and see what life really is.

A note about war.

I know, I know that a man mounted in a horse, armed with steels can only be seen now in movies but is war only defined by these things? Removing these armed warriors or canon in the equation, I know that in our daily lives we still are living in a war within ourselves, within our life.

How come we tend to forget the thrill of risks? The agony of suffering and the sweetness of success?

How come we tend to avoid the feeling of falling? The feeling of mounting up again?

How come we tend to be the average, to say yes to a stable, straight life?

How come we forgot the magic of chivalry?

War does not end in winning or losing, war is a loop of practicing and getting ready for a war you don't know when will break and life is a war, within ourselves, within the matters that we came in contact with.