Inner Soul.

"Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a great deal to love a leaf. It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary. " - Unknown

When I go around and stroll the malls, I see all these advertisements and marketing stuffs that seems to cover everything with fancy and beauty. I remember the quote above. We often forgot to see what  lies deep inside, we forgot to dig deeper and find each beautiful soul thriving deep inside each creature. We are blinded to see only what is outside and to judge things profoundly based on what our eyes see, what the advertisements call on as beautiful.

I thought about a fruit stand in a province and in an established malls as an example. Let's assume that the fruits in the province are fresh and sweet but only sold on a carton box and the fruit in the mall are sold on a well decorated fruit stand but are bland in taste. What fruit will you buy? Will you judge the fruits' quality based on the marketing strategy or are you wise enough to know the better?

The End.

"The greatest motivation of all is in knowing that everything is not permanent."

 Early morning, as I wrote this self-made quote on my diary (not even knowing whether someone breathing or stopped breathing has already formulated the same group of words), I wonder how Steve Jobs turned into motivation the awareness of his disease and the question "If this is the last day of your life...?"

Late in the evening, I deeply thought about the end - the end of the day, the end of my two year bond in the company, the end of my twenties, the end of my life. And I felt that surge of feeling of regretting what you have done instead of what you not ought to do; the potential I can harness if I remove away all the expectations from other, all the worries and all the fears I self-created. Knowing there is an end is like knowing that you have to fully live your life. YOLO. You only live once as what they say, so as Steve Jobs.

It was a practice: to think of the things you ought to regret if this was the end - of the day, of your youth, of your life. Yes, it was much easy to stay in that zone where you live comfortably, where you live with the norms and cultures of others, where you feel safe. Yes, exploring what is outside of that zone seems terrifying but try to listen to that inner self of yours that tells you to took a little step outside, that whispers to you ambitions that you burned deeply. Trying sometimes hurts, but never trying is like dying.

Keeping Strong.

It was real hard to find wisdom when it was too easy to stay juvenile.
Nor to be nice after all the hurts.
Nor not to remain blind to someone's suffering when we are too comfortable with our lives.
It was easy to give in, to remain blind, to close our hearts.
But we shouldn't.
We should keep strong for ourselves to find wisdom and understand things without any selfish prejudice.
We should keep strong to return kindness for the the hurt, neglect, or cold someone has given us, never knowing when their hearts return the warmth.
And we should keep strong to remain aware of those around us, offering a hand or lending an ear for their suffering, though it was much easy to only own our problem and neglect theirs.
Sometimes, we must keep strong for others to remain strong.

Competition.

 Prizes do not weigh the grandeur of a competition, it is the journey towards betterment. Being the defending champion, the one on the top holding the trophy, is a pride not because of the fame but because you become an aspiration for others to excel. You set an example, you set a standard that we can do more. And for those who are yet striving, do not be discouraged, in contrary, aim to be better than yourself before until the betterment let's you win. Strive not for the trophy but for the journey towards unleashing your potential. Losing only signifies that you have yet another challenge to accept wholeheartedly because passion is what drives you, not the prize nor the fame.

This is what I've learned upon watching UAAPP CDC season 77 last Sunday, the 14th of September. I was awe by how the teams cheer dance advance from last year and I think this is because of having a defending champion worth competing with. The National University deserves to win because of their technical skills and executions, while the University of the Philippines has shown me of thinking outside of the box (by girls lifting the boys, their bahaghari song) and that on many ways we can tackle/advocate issues in our country (by having the theme of equality). Kudos for both!

Towards Maturity.

Sometimes, it is much easier to step back and cry our childish whims, those selfish desires wanting attention as if we are the center of the universe. Yeah, hell much easier but time tells us we are not, the universe tells us we are not and hell yeah, sometimes it hurts. That's why it requires a tough soul, a try and try, an extended amount of time not to step back but to move forward towards maturity. Maturity differs from being a grown-up, as described in the Little Prince. Maturity is growing up while retaining the warmth and fun side of youth. Maturity embraces suffering and rejoices life's ups and downs. Do not falter when you are weak, do not be aloof when you are hurt, keep moving and keep smiling.

Rules.

I am currently staying at a condominium unit where the caretaker is the owner's sister. I remember talking to her the first time we are negotiating about the rent, and how at the same time, I seemed to love the place at first sight because of its cleanliness (which lacks on the other condominiums I visited). I remember how she honestly blurted out her strictness to house rules and cleanliness, asking me for any comments or complains. I quickly said no witnessing the neatness of the unit due to her strictness, maybe. As three months have already passed, I saw how she worked hard to keep her sister's unit in order, how she got frustrated when someone forgot the house rule for this and that, when my room mate left the unit with her bed linen and foam burnt due to ironing. I got confused why she's letting herself be that frustrated over such things. As I keep on staying there, I understood. I have understand that all us tenants only needs to pay and abide to the house rules but she - she is responsible for the condominium unit, she is the one who keeps it clean, who spends the weekend making sure everything is in the right place. And I understood and I became thankful for her. Thinking about rules in the scope of our community, I think that rules are there for its citizens' welfare. We obey rules not because we are afraid to be punished; we obey them because we fully know its use and understands as a citizen that its for the welfare of the community. Hence, before we obey a rule just for the sake that someone has slapped it to our face or has given the punishment for not abiding to it, we must first understand it, why was it made as a rule, we must inquire and criticize before we obey.

Warmth.

   Kudos to those who can keep their compassion and warmth radiate even though they experience disasters or cold treatment from other people. Day by day, we experience pressures from studies or work, frustrations from not having what we want, or a love reciprocated by neglect. We thought that being nonchalant vibrates an aura of toughness but for me,  it is the contrary. The easiest route, the quickest escape  from hurting is to close our doors, to detach ourselves and to let our attention slip away from things that cause us dismay.  Strong are those people who can give a beam, who can remain open, who can keep their enthusiasm and compassion despite the day's delivery of unwanted things. This story strongly describes what I mean:

Grandmother says... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

Excerpt from: http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/haveamagnificentday/2012/02/carrots-eggs-or-coffee-what-are-you.html

Payday.

Payday and en route to my condominium, I find myself adding this and that, subtracting that and that, and ending up, not calculating, but thinking the worth of money. I remember what my boy told me a day earlier, something about expressing yourself through your lifestyle and I thought that maybe money is not there to put boxes on ourselves, to restrain ourselves, ending being greedy and fearful of losing money. Maybe money is there as a tool for expressing ourselves, money is there not to be spent on unnecessary stuffs but in contrary, on stuffs that purely expresses who we are, adding value to our inner selves.

You use money not to eat a bunch of food you do not even savour for every bite; use it to enjoy every taste that touches the palate of your tongue. You use money not to buy unnecessary stuffs shown on every advertisement on TV; use it to buy things that can help you see life - a bicycle for travel, a photograph to save each moment, or a ticket to 'we never knew'. Trace back the very reason why you wanted to earn money and ask yourself if it will bring you happiness, not pleasure, if the lifestyle brought with it clearly echoes the enthusiasm and eagerness within you. Do not fear of losing it, let it fly from your hands, let it roll back to zero, do not let the money define you, let the 'what you use it from' define you.  As for me, I will use my extra cash for today's payday to buy a canvas and paint; an expression of myself.
 

More.

Do eat more. Do work more. Do buy more. Phrases we often whisper to ourselves. Phrases that controls us and left us feeling tired and empty. In the end, we should ask ourselves if what we needed was really more? 

When we think in this 'more' way, we tend not to appreciate the things in the present, we are automatically visualizing the future, thinking what to do next, what to buy next and this is not healthy. In the end, we have void ourselves of the feeling of relaxation and fill our minds instead of anxiety and dissatisfaction. We tend to overlook that being content is savouring each step we make and stopping for a while, celebrating what we have done or acquired. We have imposed to ourselves that having more, doing more will make us happy when in the end we will realize that asking for more is a limitless demand and does not direct to contentedness. 

It is not wrong to aspire for more, to have a better life, to buy the things we want but we should practice taking things a step at at a time, savouring and celebrating each. When you are working, instead of wanting to do more work, aspire to do more quality work, love your work like it was always a new invention and celebrate ever completion of it; When you are eating, instead of greedily eating more, indulge yourself with every bite and be thankful for the food currently in your hands. When you buy the things you want, instead of thinking what to buy next, appreciate what you have bought and the days you work hard just to earn the money for it.

I want to share a 'Minimalist Mantra' I have read in Pinterest and I hope it will also impact the way you live your life today:

Stop buying the unnecessary.
Those half your stuff, learn contentedness.
Reduce half again.
List 4 essential things in your life, do these first, stop doing the non-essential.
Clear distractions, focus on each moment.
Let go of attachment to doing, having more.
Fall in love with less.

Art.

It became a ritual for me to have a monthly art project so as not to let my creative mind left rusted. For the past month, I have decided to add touch of colours to my room by painting my favorite flower ( sunflower ) to my walls. Just last month, I am able to paint one (yey! Hoping to add a picture soon ). Yesterday, I have painted another one and I am quite excited to have again that quiet time to myself, deeply engaged into the splash of colours and the amour of paint.

What I love about art besides the tranquility you gain upon creating it is that it attracts creativity in the atmosphere. You can be yourself. You can express yourself. Failure is a gateway for another creation and the outcome will always be an art. It was quite amusing to find yourself painting forms that was not drafted to your mind before and the challenge of remembering the detail, the fusion of colour, the lines and the scent, of an image pictured to your mind. Art has thought me the adage 'Practice makes perfect' and the very essence of failure for creativity.

A Date with Nature.

It was about half a month ago when I spent my summer vacation in Calaguas Island. Of course, besides swimming, eating, and all that fun stuffs one ought to do, I did some meditation. The sun was up and was happily watering with sunlight things that hail him. The sea water is calm and the different forms of clouds above it invites you to stay silent and savour it. That was the time I knew my summer vacation was awesome. Nothing can replace Nature and if camera-captured images can be saved in the computer, that moment in time when I was seeing Nature on sail will be saved on my heart. 

One thought that I realized when I was having a date with Nature on that boat was that Nature sees you barely. It was as if you are nude. It doesn't care about what you wear, it strips off the jewelries, and money was worth nothing. Whatever you are, a president, a CEO or a simple fisherman, no status was given and in its eyes you are a mere human being, same as others. When it is joyous, it offers the relaxing breeze of the wind, the whistling of the trees and the warmth of the sun. When it is in rage, thunders may haul you and waves may crash things you built for years. And I'm grateful for that.

With a date with Nature, I was able to understand to give importance to being humane. To not live a life chasing money because Nature doesn't care. He cares how you appreciate it, how you survive it and how you mingle with it. When you have a date with Nature, He doesn't see the makeup, He sees you nude and sees the very person you are deep inside. I hope I'd be a person like Him, seeing beyond what ordinary eyes can see, and I also hope I'd meet people who are the same.

Omnis Cellula e Cellula

I just finished reading 'The Fault in our Stars' and came across this statement:

Omnis cellula e cellula, an epigram popularized by Rudolf Virchow, and is transalated as 'Every cell originates from another existing cell like it.'

Sometimes, people aspire to be something big, to do a greater deed, to live a mark as what Augustus Walters want (character from The Fault in our Stars). I'm not saying that we shouldn't dream too big but lately I have understood that we can't all be superstars, there always should be an audience; we can't be all leaders, there should always be a follower and so on. Being the audience or the follower doesn't make us inferior, or the less important one. We shouldn't think that way. As what religion has taught many, in the eyes of God we are all equal and I am supporting this not because I'm a pious person or whatsoever. Let's just say that I realized that all of us are worth something and that something cannot be measured. It is of false nature to think that you are worthless just because you are not like Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein or Pope John Paul II, they are worth something and you are too. Maybe you can't be like them but you could have been their mother who have took care of them, you could have been that person who smiled at them during their dark days, or you could have been their teacher's teacher who gave them a word of motivation. We are all connected and in relation to the title of this article of mine, a part of us has shared something to this world, a word, a smile, a hug, a behavior, a belief that we think is not big enough, but have been passed to someone/something, and that made a difference. As years roll by, you never knew that that something, that little difference will be a part of something big.

Summer Lemonade.

A year had already passed when I was in the dilemma of finishing my college or not. I remember clearly that during this time of the month last year I was asking myself, 'What was really college?' and I thought I cannot answer it.

I decided not to finish my college on time, and instead have graduated summer, at most two months late. Being the hardworking, sometimes on the top list, student that I am, it is considered out of my comfort zone, seems to lower my self-esteem, my worth; but still I stepped out of that freaking deadline girl-zone. Why, when nearly you are already at the end of a goal?, you may ask and that's exactly my question to myself last year, that I even drew a stick person of me climbing on a cliff, and nearly on top. Funny.

I'll be honest that I was afraid. I had the wrong thinking for the past four years in college. Graduating on time is not to be used as a measurement for your worth. Fast forward to these days, I cannot say that I had already found out the answer but I am able to collect bits of the puzzle pieces together. This decision of mine had taught me that we hold the power of reflecting who we are to others, it is not measured on the time of the graduation, but on our continuous actions in everyday life. It also made me  aware that I am in control of my life, not the expectation from others, nor the path they laid to you. Long as you strive, there are many paths out there to grab, to take advantage of and surprisingly sometimes, we have to make our own path.

 "Turn lemons (lemons) into lemonade (opportunities). But luck goes beyond this - it's turning lemonade (good things) into helicopters (amazing things). - What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20

Hold and Let Go.

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.” 

-Stephen King

Staying on.

At some point in your life, you have to believe in yourself, in your guts,in what you are doing, even if it seems pointless in the present.

In times, I read these article to remind me of that:

"believing in what we do, about staying on—it does not have to be in UP—with kindred spirits sustaining us through courage and a generosity of spirit" ( Michael L. Tan, 2014)

 from http://opinion.inquirer.net/72230/why-we-stay

"You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever."(Steve Jobs, 2005)

from http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Lesson #3: Fame fades away. Measure success according to the lives you touch and what matters most to you.

from http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/51959-mitch-albom-lessons-to-learn-meaning-work-life

Genuine Love.

“Does a leaf, when it falls from the tree in winter, feel defeated by the cold?

The tree says to the leaf:
"That’s the cycle of life. You may think you’re going to die, but you live on in me. It’s thanks to you that I’m alive, because I can breathe. It’s also thanks to you that I have felt loved, because I was able to give shade to the weary traveller. Your sap is in my sap; we are one thing.”
― Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

Having seen the green fields surrounding the high way towards Vigan, Ilocos Sur, and observing the people along the way, I felt the transition of urban city lifestyle towards the rural area. And then I asked myself, have these people felt low of themselves? How can they seem to feel happy living such simple lives? Haven't they compared themselves to the life of those staying in the city? Haven't they felt the inequality of work, them staying in the sun all morning while those in the city were staying in an air-conditioned office, plus the factor of earnings?

And I realized this principle of Paulo Coelho in his book 'Manuscript Found in Accra' and all these questions were left answered. Genuine Love. Long as we give genuine love, as long as the giver understands his/her role, expecting nothing in return, like the provinces that are filled with great workers and green fields for crops, offering what they have to the city though the wages are low in return, they will always feel satisfied, happy and equal. That is Genuine love, being happy when you give out love to others and you will never tell it's a sacrifice. In return, the receiver should always show the appreciation and gratitude, and it is up to them whether they felt the urge of showing this appreciation through rewards, but a simple 'Thank You' shall never be forgotten. In addition, they shall never think of themselves higher than those living hardly in the province, in contrary, shall realize that those living in such area are of great deeds and work and all will shall be made equal.

Stairway.

It was a holiday and in a quick yes, my guy and I went to Kamay Ni Hesus, a popular  destination among religious people in Lucban, Quezon. The trip includes climbing about 300+ steps in a hill and finally arrive at the top where the statue of Christ is erected ( don't worry you'll be using the stairs ).

I am not a religious type of person but I do go to church during Sundays, so as I watch my little steps on this adventure of climbing the hill, instead of minding the 14 stations of the cross, I thought about something else.

The stairway. The steps. The look below and the destination atop. In every ventures in life, we are faced with the challenge of the stairway, we start a little step below and continue to step on until we finally arrive at our destination. What I thought at this moment is that: Focus and enjoy the present step, instead of always minding and thinking back or ahead, don't mind the steps below because you'll always feel afraid of the height and feel the weight of each step, the tiredness; don't mind the steps atop because you'll always think of the number of steps ahead and you'll just fill yourself with imaginary worries and effort. Instead, enjoy each step and rejoice. If you want to rest, stop and this is the right moment to see where you are now: look below and gain strength from the steps you have conquered and look above and gain inspiration on the destination you aspire to arrive at. After such, go on and step again.

Death.

“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sense weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't.”
-Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

I never remembered it all. I tried but only those silly moments came flashing back and I felt afraid. If only memories is all I could hold on to, then in a span of time, will I be left with an empty hand? Will she fully vanish from my life? I felt guilty. I felt the responsibility of nurturing our moments and I will fail.

 But love is not remembering all your time with her. Love lives within you. Her love never left, it became a part of you. A part of her becomes a part of you. In my daily life, in my way of cooking, in my way of thinking, in my way of folding the clothes, with those simple actions, I remember her, I realized that she influenced me with those actions. That way I knew that years may passed, I may not remember all of her, her face, her expressions, but I knew that within me, she shared her life. And that is how life and death is, leaving this world confidently knowing that we have done our part, we have shared our life.

Notes.

A note about trees.

I saw them. They seem okay. Seem to live like a tree. Seem to look like a tree. Then I saw the cement boxed around them and the little soil that keeps them alive.

And I felt sorry.

Like the trees grown in the city, some of us now lives a life boxed by the rules and lifestyle the world imposes on us, we became ornaments. Like the trees who could have grown more bigger and more fuller in the wild, we can also gain our full potential if we can go out and see what life really is.

A note about war.

I know, I know that a man mounted in a horse, armed with steels can only be seen now in movies but is war only defined by these things? Removing these armed warriors or canon in the equation, I know that in our daily lives we still are living in a war within ourselves, within our life.

How come we tend to forget the thrill of risks? The agony of suffering and the sweetness of success?

How come we tend to avoid the feeling of falling? The feeling of mounting up again?

How come we tend to be the average, to say yes to a stable, straight life?

How come we forgot the magic of chivalry?

War does not end in winning or losing, war is a loop of practicing and getting ready for a war you don't know when will break and life is a war, within ourselves, within the matters that we came in contact with.

 

For him.

Unannounced changes in life's itinerary are like dancing lessons from God.

Kurt Vonnegut

He would always ask me, 'Why me?' and every time, only silence seems the best reply. As much as I wanted to answer his question with words, even words can't explain why. Yes, it frightens me that such silence will only bring him doubt or misinterpretation but every time, even words lose its mystique.

When I look back I can tell our story's opening is like a blank piece of paper. With frustration, crumpled and  was closely tossed in the trash after the author succumbs in a story he can never start. There it was... until a hand took it from his friend's desk, and started sketching a love story words can never tell.

For him whom I never thought would make me feel this way. For him who would always endure my silent treatment : 'Unannounced changes in life's itinerary are like dancing lessons from God.' That's what you meant to me.